Nice Guys Finish Last
by slashaddict94
Summary: High school is tough. A high school that has rules about who you date and cliques that decide your future is even worse. Especially if you happen to fall in love with someone you're not supposed to. An American high school AU starring hunky soccer player Harry Potter and gorgeous gender-fluid cheerleader Elix Risqué. This is a B!p story, but it's more plot than smut.


"How is it possible for one man to be so extremely attractive?" Cho Chang asked aloud as she stared across the cafeteria at Harry Potter, watching him goof around with his fellow soccer teammates.

Elix Risqué looked away from his compact mirror long enough to give his friend some serious side-eye. Taking a deep breath, he returned his attention back to the mirror before speaking. "Cho, do we have to go through this every day? First of all, close your mouth. Your constant salivating is drenching the table. Second, you know the rules. Unless you want to get kicked off the squad, only show attraction to football players. _American_ football," he added when Cho was about to interject.

"Easy for you to say when you're dating the quarterback," Cho replied, pouting slightly.

Elix simply shrugged, still looking into his mirror as he started re-applying lip gloss. "Head cheerleader always dates the quarterback. It's tradition. You know that."

Cho crossed her arms in a childish manner, looking down at the table with a slight scowl. "Yeah, well it's stupid. Do you even like McLaggen?"

Putting his lip gloss away and getting out his mascara, Elix looked at Cho with a slightly offended expression. "Of course I do. Cormac is extremely sweet and handsome and…" Elix paused, crystal blue eyes darting around as if searching for something. "…and he's an amazing football player. Seriously, what's not to like about him?" he finished, putting his mascara away and getting out his blush.

"How about the fact that he's an ass? He's probably the biggest bully at this school," Cho retorted, watching Elix switch his blush out for eyeliner and an eyelash curler. She was amazed how much make-up he could fit into such a tiny bag.

Elix rolled his eyes at her statement. "It's not bullying, it's constructive criticism," he said simply, continuing to re-apply his eye make-up.

Cho looked at the other cheerleader incredulously. "Constructive criticism? Are you kidding me? Him telling Susan Bones to get off the elevator because it wouldn't support her weight was bullying."

"He was just giving her harsh advice," Elix countered, pulling lotion and a hairbrush out of his bag. "And she lost fifteen pounds after that, so really he helped her out," he added in a tone that asserted he was finished with the conversation.

Cho slightly glared at Elix as he brushed his past-shoulder length bleach blonde hair. She took a moment to really look at him. Elix truly was a real-life Barbie doll. His hair was always shiny and vibrant, falling effortlessly wherever he wanted it to go; it looked good straight or curly, down or in an up-do. His make-up was flawless, always symmetrical and seemed to really accentuate his feminine features. His eyes always popped, his abs were toned, his butt was high and round, and he even kind of had boobs. Cho couldn't help but be envious of this supposed "perfect specimen" in front of him; yet she knew perfection didn't exist, so Elix had to have a flaw within him somewhere. She desperately wanted to know what that flaw was, and a part of her really wanted to push Elix to his limit to find out. However, she valued her life, so she kept that as a fantasy. She was so lost in her own world that she didn't notice Elix trying to get her attention. "Huh, what?"

"I asked if I could borrow your bobby pin. I can't find mine."

"This is my only one," she said apologetically.

Elix raised one eyebrow and suddenly had a dangerous look in his eyes. "Is that a no?"

Realizing her mistake, Cho quickly removed the bobby pin from her hair and handed it over to the blonde. He took it, still giving her a warning look. After he decided his hair looked satisfactory, he finally put his mirror back in his make-up bag.

"It's still not fair," Cho said, sullenly. "None of the football players are exactly boyfriend material for me."

Elix rolled his eyes before turning his attention to his nails. "Oh, come on. What about Cedric?"

"Diggory?" Cho scoffed. "I'm pretty sure he's gay. He wouldn't want me."

"Michael Corner?"

"Gay."

"Oliver Wood?"

"Gay."

"Greg Goyle?"

"Fat."

"Vik Krum?"

"He likes you, so no thanks."

Elix looked at Cho for a split second, then returned to looking at his nails. "Sounds like you're a little too picky, Cho. Maybe you're one of those girls that's meant to be single. Someone has to be the crazy cat lady."

Before Cho could come up with a retort, the cafeteria suddenly filled with the sound of raucous laughter and talking as a group of football players and cheerleaders entered and made their way to the table that Elix and Cho were sitting at.

"Hey sexy," Cormac said to Elix, attempting to kiss him before the blonde quickly turned his head.

"I literally just put on lip gloss," Elix snapped, clearly agitated. "If you wanted a kiss, you should have gotten here earlier."

Cormac rolled his eyes as he sat down next to his boyfriend. "Somebody got their coffee from Starbitch today," the quarterback joked, eliciting a few snickers from the other jocks; a dangerous glare from Elix immediately shut them up. The blonde then directed his glare to his boyfriend.

"For your well-being, I'll pretend you didn't say that."

"Babe, it's a joke, not a dick. Don't ride it so hard," Cormac laughed. "Unless it's mine, of course," he added crudely with a smirk.

Elix stared intensely at the ceiling for a moment as if trying to regain all of his self-control. When it seemed he wasn't going to murder anyone, he returned his attention to his nails. "Wow, that's so original. I've never heard that one before," he deadpanned.

"So, what are we doing for practice today, Elix?" Pansy Parkinson asked, clearly trying to break the tension between the head cheerleader and his boyfriend.

Elix rolled his eyes. "I thought we'd all take up ice hockey. What the fuck do you think we're doing? We're practicing the same goddamn routine we've been doing for months until you fuck-ups get it right. I'll keep you here as long as I need to, so expect to stay at least 3 hours late."

The girls at the table groaned in dismay. "Elix," Penelope Clearwater chimed in. "That may not work for me. I'm swamped with homework." The other cheerleaders looked at her like she'd grown an extra pair of arms.

"That's my problem, how?" Elix snapped, not bothering to look at the other girl. "I'm not forcing you to come to practice, Penelope. If your passion lies with your homework, then by all means that's what you should do. However, if you plan to stay on the squad, you'll be at practice ten minutes early, and you'll stay as long as everyone else with a smile on your face. Is that clear?" he finished, finally looking at Penelope with an eyebrow raised, his tone leaving no room for argument.

"Crystal," Penelope replied, realizing there was no way she'd win this fight.

"Lovely," Elix said, a smile spreading across his face that would have been considered pleasant if the others didn't know him better. "Now, if you all will excuse me, I have some things to take care of."

As Elix grabbed his purse, backpack, and books, Cormac moved to speak. "You need any help carrying anything, babe?"

"Oh no," Elix snapped sarcastically. "I wouldn't want you to overexert yourself with anything chivalrous. You might throw your back out. The only physical things you should be concerning yourself with are sports and sex."

"Cool. Just thought I'd ask," McLaggen said as he went back to eating, clearly not picking up on his lover's sarcasm.

Elix rolled as eyes as he got up, hit his boyfriend over the back of his head with his purse, mumbled "Pig" under his breath and left the cafeteria, leaving a confused Cormac behind him.

"He totally wants the D," the quarterback finally said, receiving thumbs-up and pats on the back from his fellow football players.

' _Maybe I'm okay with being single_ ,' Cho thought to herself as she eyed the jocks with disgust. ' _Guys are so stupid._ '

 **End Chapter 1! I have a general idea of where this story is gonna go, but if there's anything you guys wanna see or any suggestions for the plot, feel free to let me know!**

 **If you read any of my other stories, I'm not abandoning them! "Beautiful People," "Alternate Anatomy," and "Habits" are still happening! I just had this going through my head and had to get it out! I'm not sure what will be updated next, but that's part of the fun, right? ;)**

 **Let me know what you thought of this chapter! I'm really excited for this story!**


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